“I knew I was settling, and I settled anyway”. This was the comment someone made.
Sometime ago I authored an article — 5 Signs You are Settling for Someone You Like, but Don’t Love. The responses were many and persons shared their relationship stories.
It is understood that sometimes, we know we are settling, but we settle anyway. It may look like we shouldn’t, but we do. Some common reasons that resonated for settling is shared here.
Age — Whether we want to admit it or consciously aware, we are dictated by societies expected age of settling down and beginning a family. As time goes by persons all admit, regardless of gender identification, that they have settled for the best available and not necessarily love.
Loneliness — We are all social creatures and enjoy companionship. Human connection is integral to our well-being and quite often we settle for someone to ease the pain of prolonged loneliness.
Dating burnout — So you have dated for a while, and you have really tried to build a connection. Each time hope arises in you yet to have it fall flat.
Each time such happens it throws an emotional curveball and leads to thoughts of wondering if you are not good enough and all the emotions associated with such thinking. Eventually you may find someone that you believe you can enjoy their company.
Social support — Many times person lack social support, the absence of having financial, emotional, spiritual and the physical support lends itself to stress, depression, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Finding someone who can offer the social support needed would lead to one settling in such.
Self-Belief — We all have unconscious thoughts that we reflect on. Believing that if you are nice, others will like you leads to one feeling rejected and believing something is wrong with you if you can’t have a partner.
Finding and maintaining a relationship with a partner signals more to you than anyone else that you are okay and belong in the circle of social connected persons who can maintain lasting relationships.
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These are just some reasons why we settle into relationships.
Love as the pivotal reason alone for a relationship will not lead to it lasting.
However, it is the foundation of a lasting relationship. True love forgives, wish the best, hope the best and inspires one to achieve the best.
While the reasons stated above can lead to one settling in a relationship, unless love develops and is the foundation of the relationship. It may regardless of reason for initiating lead either to the end of the relationship or a relationship that is unfulfilling.
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Relationships are complex and while someone can enter a relationship to starve off advancing age, loneliness, dating burnout, access social support and to promote a self-confidence belief.
A relationship that exists without love may not be happily sustained.
Relationship will always involve many dynamics and while you may settle, settling in and of itself most times don’t offer the satisfying relationship of one with love.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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